Name:  Ottovegachelvara (Otto for short)

Born: Weeeell, not born as such. Coughed up, spat out, suspended in nitrous oxide. You know, the old-fashioned way. As for when I was born – oof that’s a toughie. Erm… I guess if I flattened, folded and origami’d my time-space into a little paper unicorn and then set it adrift on the solar winds of Hexaphius 5, then I suppose I was  born around 3,500 of your years into one of your futures.  But for the purposes of my travel visa, I was born 20th August 1973. (By the way, how can birth pre-date life?! You guys are just frookin drimmelly!)

Occupation: Tourist. Oh back home? Sub-strata molecular engineer. But training to be a pizza delivery girl.

Hobbies: Well, since I got here, taking drugs, having sex and drinking alcoholic substances until I pass out. It’s such a touristy cliche I know, we all do it when we first arrive (look at Lindsey Lohan). Oh, and riding flumes. I love da flumes.

Special skill: Navigating my transport pod (see image). I call her Betsy. She flies like gorp off a limbell. And has a cup holder in the cabin! So retro.

Pet peeves: Science Fiction. Your idea of science is fiction. The idea of a law of physics being universal is just hilarious to us. Although I’m a huge fan of Battlestar.

Current mood: Taupe 5. Or in your phraseology: Meh.